Know the Facts

Men age 18 through 25 must register with the Selective Service System.

Question:  What is Selective Service Registration?

Answer:  Registration is a human bondage program that does not involve leather whips, furry handcuffs, or jello.

Question:  Will I be drafted?

Answer:    Only in the event of World War III, in which case you will want to join just for the free M16 and pea soup.

Question:  What happens if I don’t register?

Answer:   We’ll get you.  We have spies everywhere.  We have spies watching spies.

Question:  What are the benefits?

Answer:    Um.  Er.  Well, I don’t know.

Question:  How do I register?

Answer:  Take a picture of yourself in a pink tutu, attach it to this card with all your personal information, and post it in the mail.  (Government is not responsible for any ensuing identity theft.)

Question:  What happens after I register?

Answer:   Watch your mail.  The government will send you some bail out money and KP cookies.

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