News Flash

Let me save you the trouble of reading the news today.  Or any day for that matter:

More trouble in the Middle East  .  .  .  Stock Market goes up and down  .  .  .   Congress can’t agree  .  .  .   Climate warming continues  .  .  .  Athlete fails drug test  .  .  .   Movie star makes a fool of himself   .  .  . Investors loose their shirts and pants on Ponzi scheme  .  .  .  Food prices dig deeper into the consumer pocket    .  .  .  Euro in deep shit  .  .  .  Company issues recall of product  .  .  .  Bookstore closes  .  .  .  Cell phone store opens  .  .  .  U.S. borrows more money from China  .  .  .  China needs U.S. to consume imported items  .  .  .    Rich get richer  .  .  .  Poor get poorer  .  .  .  Housing market slumps  .  .  .  Crazy dude kills family  .  .  .  Homeless need homes  .  .   .  Senator has girlfriend; wife shocked but supportive  .  .  .  Dog alerts family to fire  .  .  .  Store stick-up  .  .   .  Thieves steal copper  .  .  .  Americans are too fat  .  .  .  Teens can’t read, write, or multiply .  .  .  Fast food is bad  .  .  .  Smoking will kill ‘ya  .  .  .  Doctor accused of Medicare fraud  .  .  .  Divorce rate highest ever in history  .  .  .  Gas rates expect to rise during the holidays  .  .  .  Population down in developed countries by micro points and up in undeveloped countries  .  .  .  New driver runs off road  .  .  .  Trucker falls asleep at wheel  .  .  .  Airplanes are falling apart  .  .  .  Feds cut interest rate  .  .  .  Bank closes  .  .  .  Iraq wants U.S. troops to stay  .  .  .  Iraq wants U.S. troops out  .  .  .   Egypt doesn’t know what it wants  .  .  .  Everyone is afraid of Korea and Iran  .  .  .  Small businessman can’t sell as cheap as Wally World  .  .  .  Large scale farming is unsustainable, but home gardeners are still dorky  .  .  .   Someone semi-important said something nasty about someone very important; apology in the mail  .  .  .  Citizens wonder if freedom of the press means truth in the press  .  .  .  Electricity bill to increase by 3 percent  .  .  .  Postage stamps going up  .  .  .  Company downsizing employees; remaining workers to work twice as hard  .  .  .

And on the very, very local news:  My puppy peed on the floor.  What a surprise!!!

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What’s in a Headline?

Read a headline in my newspaper this morning: Alabama Murderer Executed for Killing His Wife. So many synonyms!  I couldn’t help but rewrite this euphemistic wording it in my head:

Killer Killed for Killing His Wife

Murderer Murdered for Murdering His Wife

Executioner Executed for Executing His Wife

When you write it like that, it all seems kind of redundant and ridiculous; although, I’m sure the victim’s family doesn’t think that way.  I’m not saying the death penalty is right or wrong; I’m just pointing out how we whitewash the stains from our words to make ourselves seem more civilized.